Hologram Time Traveler DVD
Score: 15% ESRB: Teen Publisher: Digital Leisure Developer: Digital Leisure Media: DVD/1 Players: 1 Genre: Action
Graphics & Sound: Okay, so this game was amazing when it hit arcades in the late '80s. Thanks to the innovations of Rick Dyer (creator of Dragon's Lair, the first arcade game to make use of laserdisc technology), Time Traveler was projected in space as a hologram that conveyed intangible 3D live-action images mixed with computer-generated backgrounds and effects. It was deemed revolutionary by countless players, and Sega put in 18 million orders before the game was even finished. Wow. But what if the hologram aspect had been taken out, and instead of a joystick and button, gamers were given remote controls to play the game on their televisions? Wouldn't it suck, especially when released in 2001 when every single element of the game would seem unimaginably horrendous by current technological standards? Apparently the folks at Digital Leisure didn't run these questions through their minds before re-releasing Hologram Time Traveler shortly after Microsoft's Xbox launch. Nowadays, this game looks absolutely ridiculous. There isn't much to see on the screen -- just a few props, the lead character (Marshal Gram), and his assailants. And a few 3D shapes constantly rotate in the background in a feeble attempt to look cool. Oh, and judging by the crew's wardrobe and acting caliber, it would seem Time Traveler had been filmed on a budget of about five bucks. The sound presentation is no better. We've all heard better voice acting in a Burger King commercial, and most of the effects are flat and amateurish. You could honestly have a better time playing with the TV on mute and making up your own crazy sounds.
Gameplay: Expert gunslinger Marshal Gram has apparently been chosen by leaders of the future to save Princess Kyi-La from the clutches of the evil scientist Vulcor. In order to get her back, he'll have to teleport all over the place across a bunch of different time zones, advancing only by shooting random people every few seconds and jumping around like a buffoon. Along his journey, he'll face horribly stereotyped Indian warriors, the dreaded graveyard zombies of 1998, and the most ungraceful ninjas to ever inhabit the Far East. This, friends, is the premise for one hell of a bad game. Aside from enduring some of the worst acting of all time, all you have to do is press Left, Right, Up, Down, or Action to play through the scenes of Time Traveler. When it's time for Gram to duck, press down quickly enough and you won't watch him die (yet). When a door appears on the left side of the screen, press left or he'll die because you didn't. That's how the entire game works, interrupted occasionally by a bizarre slot machine game called Hellgate, which you really don't even play. Some guy dressed like a devil tells you to play his game, so you press Enter and the slots rolls once. One time, I got three cherries and he said I'd lost, yet I couldn't tell that anything had happened. Another time I got two cherries and an orange, and he said I won; still, nothing seemed to change. Maybe I was awarded an extra life, but I was too busy trying to figure out where this guy had come from and how he figured into the 'plot' to realize if I'd won anything. Okay, so some of the scenes are kinda funny. In one area of the 1998 period, Gram teleports into the middle of a baseball game. Being from the Wild West and quite unfamiliar with our national pastime, he ducks an incoming ball and promptly shoots the pitcher and batter dead before disappearing from the field. It's hilarious to watch, but humor alone can't save a title this dreadful.
Difficulty: There aren't any difficulty settings, only two visual modes (2D and 3D). Unexpectedly enough, 3D mode actually makes the game tougher by screwing with your eyes mere seconds after putting on the included pair of 3D glasses. Hardly any of the objects seems to stand out more so than the original 2D style anyway, so there's really no point unless you love having bloodshot peepers. Even though there aren't many buttons to work with, the game itself proves almost impossible to beat with a limited number of continues and the same 'watch-yourself-die-several-times-until-you-memorize-every-stage' mentality of Dragon's Lair, Space Ace, and all those other laserdisc classics. Chances are you won't stay focused enough to beat it anyway, since you'll be too busy swearing at the TV because the Xbox remote didn't register your actions in time.
Game Mechanics: Control issues aside, there's also the little problem of Time Traveler's video freezing at every action frame. Whenever any event that requires the pressing of a button pops up, the game halts for a fraction of a second. This happens on any DVD player (some more forgiving than others), and it can seriously mess with your timing until you get used to it. Bummer. A few days ago, I thought Mad Dog McCree was the worst possible addition to anyone's Xbox library imaginable; now I know better. Even if you remember Hologram Time Traveler being cool as hell when you saw it for the first time in Celebration Station as a kid, there isn't a single reason to pick this one up now. Sure, it's fun to laugh at how awful the game truly is every now and then, but if it's comedy you're looking for, just go buy the Tenacious D album instead.
-Ben Monkey, GameVortex Communications AKA Ben Lewis
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